“Doc”, asked a no longer young man, “can I ever recover from my addictions to alcohol
and drugs”?
He liked when I said, emphatically, “Yes!”. But was pleased and dismayed with what I
went on to say.
“There is more than abundant proof that recovery happens. Many studies have followed
men and women who suffered with lasting addictions, some going back to being a
teenager. Recovery (there is no cure, only recovery) happens more than we might think
(not a public matter for many); as is staying in recovery, though almost never a straight
line; and rebuilding lives with work, school, relationships, health, and dignity”.
I continued, “…There is no singular path for recovery: for some the path is a 12-Step
program; others by psychotherapy (CBT, DBT, interpersonal) as well as enough time
and times in rehab; with medications; or by old-fashioned determination. Staying in
recovery almost always depends on support, support, support.” Which troubled him
because he had burnt so many bridges.
I added: “Addiction is called a chronic-relapsing condition because it is”. Most people
will relapse, start using again. Which tests everyone: the person with the addiction,
family, his or her friends and co-workers, and the professionals who treat them. Our
communities typically disdain people with addiction. Demoralization can prevail.
My message was for him and is for others who occupy the emotional universe of
addictive disorders. Especially for families, who can be the most enduring and powerful
supports for a person with any chronic disorder, medical, mental, or addictive.
Never give up. Never lose hope (my 1min57sec video). We haven’t figured out when
someone will start or remain in recovery. Or when they might relapse: a day, a month, a
year, 15 or 20 years? That’s the fly in the soup. It takes hope to live with uncertainty.
Each relapse is not the beginning of the end. It is the end of the beginning.
PS: I was this man’s therapist for several years. We stayed in touch by letters
(remember those?) and emails. Not long ago, he wrote me that he had achieved 50
years of sobriety, with its many rewards.
— Lloyd Sederer, M.D., adjunct professor, Columbia/Mailman School of Public Health,
former NYC Commissioner of Mental Health & former chief medical officer of the NYS
Office of Mental Health. www.askdrlloyd.com
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